Say Goodbye

I have been thinking, thinking, thinking... It has been nearly two years since my life was suddenly nothing I recognized. Two years since I grew up and became Bethany. It has been an awesome journey of great heartache, empowerment, faith, courage, healing, independence and new beginnings. I have gone from a point in my life where I could just barely get out of bed every morning and breath in and out to a point where I can truly see my dreams, the dreams I thought would never come true, now materializing in a way that I could have never fathomed.

Two years ago my life was ash - ugly, dark, dirty, lifeless. Today I feel my life is so beautiful and filled with great people, memories, words and actions. Now, I wake every morning with pure amazement and thanksgiving in my heart for what God has brought me through and has blessed me with now. I knew that if I just believed and held onto His promise that He would bring something great out of the darkness, He would do it. God is truly amazing and there is no way I can ever take credit for where I am today. He held me close in my darkest times and never let me go.

I have decided to close this blog. I had a blog (All I Have, All I Am) going while I was going through such torment after Ben left. Then I started this blog after the divorce was final to help heal and encourage others that even though life may seem to be left empty, there can be new beginnings, growth and dreams made. Life can be rebuilt and something beautiful brought forth. My healing doesn't end here though. I think it will take the rest of my life to heal from what Ben did to me, my family and friends. But I am in a most beautiful place in my life where I am taking another step forward by getting married to a man who is so amazingly great. He speaks to my soul and he just fits. There isn't a forceful aspect to our relationship. It's natural, normal, easy. I can be myself with him and not worry about things I worried about with Ben.

I am so happy and genuinely grateful for all I have been through and all I have. And now, I say goodbye to this blog that helped sort out so many confused thoughts and feelings and help me step forward and move beyond...

Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

PS I have a new blog... "Icing on the Cake." I won't leave you hanging! :)

Busy Little Bee!

Life is good! Life is busy!

So, it has been a little over a month now since Tony and I got engaged and we have definitely got the ball rolling in the wedding planning department! We opened up a savings account to start socking away money for our big day. We are going to be responsible for the wedding expenses so we both are trying to do our best with saving as much as we can. I was able to get a part-time job at Payless Shoes working about 12 hours a week. It isn't much, but it will be extra money that we didn't have before to dedicate to the wedding. I didn't think working a second job would be that difficult, but it really is! I work Tuesdays and Thursdays and then a few hours on the weekend and I have just been exhausted trying to adjust to this new schedule. I am really happy to have it though and to see our savings account grow a little more week by week.

Working the additional hours have been an adjustment, but these past two weeks have been even more hectic than normal. My mom's 50th birthday is this coming Sunday the 18th and we are planning a big family reunion type party for her. My aunt Bobbie and my sisters have been organizing the invites, the food, the music, the decorations, the present, etc. and I don't think I like party planning. It's too stressful for me and here I am trying to plan a wedding in California!! eek! So, Bobbie is coming into town from Texas today and Tony is coming in from California tomorrow (I am SO excited to see him!!) Plus in the midst of working, party planning and preparing for Tony's visit, I had my 28th birthday on Tuesday the 13th. It wasn't special though. Everyone is preoccupied with my mom's party and I had to work at both of my jobs on Tuesday. Oh well... maybe next year I can get a birthday cake.

Back to the wedding planning... I have been doing a lot of research into different venues and vendors. The wedding will probably be in the Palm Springs area in early March 2011. I have bought my big wedding planner and TheKnot.com has been my daily intake of wedding ideas, budgets, do-it-yourself projects and more. Kylie and I are taking a trip out to California May 21-24 to look at ceremony/reception sites and to talk with a few photographers. I am really excited about this trip and I am happy that Kylie is coming along. It will be nice to have a traveling buddy and another set of eyes to help take in everything. Tony has been really good about the wedding talk too. He wants to be involved and help make the decisions. He doesn't know much about how to plan a wedding, but he wants to help and I appreciate that.

Phew... just reading through all of that makes me tired! I am really, really looking forward to this weekend and having Tony here. We aren't doing anything special. Just being together and with my family. I can't wait to go to the airport tomorrow night!! He loves my little dog, Enzo, and so I am going to surprise him and have Enzo waiting in the car when I pick him up. Tony will be surprised!! :)

I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, but I am really so happy and I am just blown away with life itself...

Engaged!

So, I have no excuse. It has been way, way too long since I have posted. I hate that I have let this all fall to the wayside. I love writing and reflecting and I miss it! Is you notice, I just got my entry from December posted as well. I never finished that blog and I wanted to get it up!


I have been pretty busy lately... pretty busy getting engaged!! Yep, that's right! Tony proposed to me on March 13 and here is our story...


Over that weekend I took a trip out to California for his birthday. It was a normal trip - just being together and with is family. I flew out there late Friday night and on Saturday he took me into Palm Springs. He wanted to take me up the San Jacinto mountains in a tram to see the view down into the Coachella Valley where he is from. It was a beautiful day to take a tourist trip up the mountains so I was really excited! When we got to the top it was about 40 degrees and sunny! The sky was so blue too! Up at the top of the mountain you can get out of the tram and eat at two different restaurants, go sledding, hiking and just generally enjoy the view. We took a path into the forest walking on the snow that was still covering the ground at the peak of the mountain. At this time I had no idea what he had planned. I just thought it was something neat for us to do together and absorb. We found a rock and sat down and just watched the kids playing in the snow and adults acting like kids playing in the snow. It was so lovely there! I have never been to a place like that before and it was just breathtaking! Well, as we sat and talked he started talking about our relationship and where it was going and if I was happy. (I still had no clue at this point what he was getting at!) Well, one question lead to another and he finally asked me if I would marry him. Of course I said yes, but I still thought we were just talking hypothetically. He then asked me a second time. I said yes again. He then asked if he could put a ring on my finger and pulled a little black jewelry box out of his pocket. It wasn't until that moment that I figured out he was asking me then and there! I held out my shaking hand and he put the ring on me. Perfect. I was shaking and smiling. I smiled so much that day that my cheeks hurt! He soon told me that his entire family knew what he had planned! And that about three weeks earlier he had called my parents and asked for their permission and blessing! I had no clue whatsoever! To top it all off, Tony (who is fluent in Spanish) had a conversation with my little sister in Spanish (who is also fluent) right in front of me in January about the possibility of an engagement! So many people knew and I was just as dumb as could be to what was going on!


Tony is just fabulous. Really. I am elated to have met him and I feel so blessed. We are two peas in a pod and things just feel so normal with him - like I have known him for years. We have started talking about wedding plans. It will be held out in California where he is from. I have already had my family wedding and it only seems fair to have it out there so all of his family can attend. We are thinking March 2011 and Kylie and I are making a trip out there in May to look at reception sites. Tony and I have already started saving and I just got a part-time job with Payless Shoes to help add more to the wedding pot. I think we will have a gorgeous wedding with family and friends! I am so excited!!

I am a lucky, lucky girl...

True Beauty from Ashes

It's that time of year when it seems like nostalgia seeps from every person as the year comes to a close. We reflect on the previous year’s events, look forward to a new beginning and create resolutions which we may or may not keep. I am no different. 2008 was a horrific year of struggles emotionally, mentally and physically. It was not what I would call a good year by any stretch of the imagination. So, after surviving 2008 and learning how to pick myself up off of the ground and move forward with my new life, I didn't have extremely high expectations for 2009. If I continued to live day to day with grace, then that was a huge accomplishment. All I wanted was to be happy. That's it. As I now look back at 2009, I see that not only was I happy, but I lived my life with vigor and strength that I never knew I had!

January/February - January started off pretty sedate. It was winter and cold. Near the end of the month I was asked out on my first date post-divorce by an agent in my office. I remember he was flirtations with me via Facebook and often visited me in my cube at work. Matt was a nice guy - funny, confident, driven. He finally got up the nerve to ask me out. We went out to Mama Carolla's in Broad Ripple on January 31st and I was ecstatic that I had my first date and it went really well all things considered. Ben was my first and only. At the time it seemed like a good thing, but after him I realized that I had NO experience in the dating world and that was very intimidating. I didn't know what to do or what to say. How do I act and react when on a date? I had no clue. I felt like a baby learning how to crawl - curious, but unstable. But I survived and that gave me a small confidence boost to get 2009 off to a good start.

Throughout February, Matt and I talked on the phone and via Facebook. It was new and fun. We talked about a lot of things and it was nice to get the feel of "hanging out" with someone. I still didn't feel elegant in the dating scene, but I was able to dip my toes in the water and see what it felt like. I was still scared out of my mind with the whole idea, but I knew it was yet another growing experience. I had to push myself to get out of my comfort zone and I think I did pretty darn well!

March - In March, I took a business trip to Northwestern home office in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I went with a co-worker and it was a really good experience for me. Why was it so good? Well I had to FLY to Milwaukee and for anyone who knew me just a little knew that I was terrified of flying. I had only flown two other times prior to Milwaukee and both times were with Ben. To look into the face of fear and say that it is not going to conquer me is such a strength building exercise! I was scared of flying, but I knew that I had to do it. If I was going to continue to push myself out of my comfort zone, then I had to travel to Milwaukee and see how it felt. I did it and it was yet another experience that I grew from that quick trip to Milwaukee that I have carried with me ever since.

I also remember calling my mom on the first day of spring in March and saying "Mom, I survived winter!" After going through a divorce right before the holidays and having to go through a winter in Indiana by yourself isn't exactly the most uplifting thought. People get depressed all of the time during the winter months and being recently divorced wasn't going to help. So when spring rolled around and I realized that I had gotten through and with a light and happy spirit, it was an amazing accomplishment. I am not a down and out type of person. I love to be happy and positive, but I wasn't sure how I would cope with the lonely Indiana winter. I lived through it and I was just as happy as a clam!

April - Ahh... spring time in Indiana! It was so beautiful and what was even better was that the month of April brought my 27th birthday! I was ready to put 26 behind me and become a year older and a year wiser! Tawni and Mike hosted a birthday brunch for me and I was so thankful to have them. My family is wonderful and they have been there for me through everything. They celebrated my birthday with me and I loved turning 27.

April also brought the one year anniversary of when Ben dropped the news that he had cheated on me and left me for her. April 30, 2008. What a day. April 30, 2009. What a day. It was amazing to have the new perspective I had gained on life and my relationship with Ben. I had started to see that I really was better off without him in my life, but that thought was just starting to form. April 30, 2009 was a normal day for me. I was happy. No sadness. No depression. It was just nice to have that year under my belt and know that I was going to be alright. Besides, I had greater things to look forward to at that time - the month of May!

May - In December 2008, my boss had challenged me to enter the Indianapolis Mini Marathon that was to be held in May 2009. I took him up on that challenge and I began training. I ran nearly every day for 6 months. I wanted so badly to run the entire 13.1 miles, but I am not naturally a runner. I loved to run and it had become my therapy session, but I wasn't sure if I could actually ran 13.1 miles. 13.1 MILES!! I trained and trained. I loved going to the gym. I loved running outside. It made me feel strong. Running gave me confidence - confidence that I was strong and I was a good and healthy person. May 2, 2009. Was I ready? I was and I did it!!! I ran with my cousin, April, and her husband, Mark. We encouraged each other throughout the entire race and the adrenaline was incredible. I just ran. And ran. And ran. I remember getting the 6 mile mark. I had never run any further than that, but I felt good and I kept going. It was a slow pace, but it was solid and we all felt good. Miles 11-13 were tough. Very, very tough. I didn't have any energy left. I was wiped out, but Mark and April kept pushing me I finished the race at 2 hours and 38 minutes! I remember crossing the finish line and thinking "I can stop running now!" The runners high I felt lasted a good week and a half after the race was done. I did it! It was so incredible...

The very next day, Kylie and I left for a week long vacation in Austin, Texas with our Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Bill. Once again I was faced with having to fly, but this time I was the seasoned traveler and had to make sure that Kylie and I made our flights on time! I felt a little pressure, but the flights went smooth and we got to Texas late Sunday night. We had a great time there. We went to the capital building in Austin, the rodeo and the Alamo. It was a great vacation for both of us and it was the first time we had been on a solo trip. There are certain events when you realize that you are all grown up and an adult. This trip really made me feel like that since we planned it and traveled by ourselves. It was yet another growing experience for me and I loved every minute of it!

June - I actually can't really remember the month of June... It was summer time in Indiana! I do remember meeting Tomo. He was a very nice guy and we hung out a few times. We both loved sushi and he was gracious enough to treat me to dinner a few times. It was awesome!

July - In mid-July I took a road trip with my friend Sarah to IKEA in Cincinnati, Ohio. It was a great day! I had never been to IKEA and the store felt endless! We went from room to room and there were so many great decorating ideas! I was a good girl though I spent only $20. Sarah was shopping for her new house and got some really great things to add a special touch to her new place. It was a great day of girl talk and shopping! Thanks Sarah! :)

July also offered another great stretching experience for me too. The pseudo-relationship with Matt had fizzled and I wanted to get into the dating scene, but was intimidated to no end! I didn't want to meet a guy in a bar, there weren't many (if any) single guys at church and I didn't seem like my friends had too many eligible guy friends for me to meet. Kylie and I had talked on and off about joining a Christian dating site to meet good quality guys. We thought it would be a good way to expand our horizons and see what is beyond Westfield and Noblesville. Well, she encouraged me to join eHarmony. What could it hurt? I was curious and would always be curious until I tried it. If it didn't work, then hey no big deal. At least I knew, right? So, I joined eHarmony towards the end of July. I answered all of their personality profile questions. I sorted through and posted some of my best pictures and waited. I got matched with guys of many different races and from many different areas of life. I didn't limit my matches too much. I wanted to be open for whatever may come. I communicated with a few guys. They seemed nice, polite, established. I was off to a good start and commutation with several individuals throughout the need of July and August. I was glad I was trying this method of meeting people. Can you guess what it was? A good growing experience!

August - Summer time is an awesome time to spend on the water. In August, my friend Ashley invited me and several other girls to Lake Wawasee in northern Indiana. I had never been up that way and wasn't sure what to expect of the lake. Ashley’s parents owned a boat and they hosted us for the day. It was so fun to be there, on the water, eating and drinking. We soaked up the sun and lounged on rafts in the water. It was so great and I will never forget that trip. We talked and talked about so many different things. I even got the chance to ride a wave runner for the first time! Now that was fun! It was a beautiful day with beautiful people.

September - September 1 offered to major events in my life. First, I had been studying all summer long for my Series 6 exam for work. It was so hard to study for that test since finance and investments do not come naturally to me nor are they a great interest of mine. Ugh... I studied and studied and studied! I was even sick the last few days before my test! I just wanted to get that stupid thing over with! By the grace of God I passed my test and I was so, so, so happy! Kylie and I went out and celebrated by going to Squealers and then to see "The Time Travelers Wife." I felt so good having passed the test even though I had no interest in the material.

After getting home after work that day, I checked my email and I had new matched from eHarmony. I had gotten into the routine of looking at the matches and first seeing if I was even physically attracted to the person and then quickly reading through their profile. If I felt that there was an attraction then I would immediately send them the first round of questions through the website. I didn't wait for the guys to contact me. I was a grown, confident woman who could step out on a limb and contact these guys if I felt interested in them. Well, I was matched with this one guy. He was from California. He was a recent graduate with his PhD and he was cute. His name was Tony and I thought that he looked like he was interesting. I sent him my questions and didn't think much else of it. Over the next week or so, Tony would answer my questions and then I would answer his. I liked what he had to say and we soon were able to write emails to each other. Tony was different from the other two guys I had been communicating with regularly. Our messages were thoughtful, meaningful and deep. I could feel an instant connection with him and I quickly focused on him and our messages. I began learning about him, his family, his past and I was intrigued. He soon asked for my phone number so he could call me and we could talk on the phone. I gave it to him and told him that I would wait for his call. It came on September 17. To make a long story short, our conversation was easy, casual and great! I couldn't wait to talk with him again! Over the next few weeks we talked a few times, but when we did talk it was for hours. I liked who Tony was and what he stood for and I wanted to continue to get to know him.

October - Throughout October Tony and I talked nearly everyday. We emailed and texted each other a lot. We talked about our past, our present and our futures. We connected on so many different topics. Family, religion, fiances, children, education, etc. You name it, I am sure we talked about it! Our conversations were easy and unforced. We were forming a bond even though it was only over the phone. Since he lived in California, it wasn't going to be easy to meet. We decided that he would come to Indiana at the beginning of November and met me and my family! That was a nerve wracking thought! But he booked his ticket in early October and so we had an entire month to continue learning about each other. It was awesome and I really began liking him and I knew he liked me!

November - So, the day of Tony's arrival in Indianapolis was here! November 4th! His flight was getting in at 10:30 pm and I was nervous! I had so much to prepare for, but I wanted everything to be perfect. Long story short... his visit was wonderful. We connected in person just like we did over the phone. It was a quick trip. We went out to see my home town of Losantville, we went on our first official date to Matteo's in Noblesville, we shared our first bottle of wine and our first kiss. (He was a gentleman and asked me if he could kiss me before he took the liberty of doing so!), he met my immediate family (who really liked him!) and then left for California just as quickly as he got here. It was a great weekend and we were both extremely happy with the outcome! That very night I booked my first flight to California for the first week in December. He had tickets to the Trans Siberian Orchestra in San Diego and he invited me to join him! I was ecstatic! I had never traveled my myself before, let alone all the way out to California!

After Tony returned to California we continued to talk daily ad our relationship continued to grow. On Thanksgiving Day we really kind of made our relationship official even though it was already at that point. I had kept everything with him kind of hush-hush because I didn't know if it was really going to work. So when we finally made that step, I couldn't wait to tell my friends and extended family! It felt so wonderful to be in that place again and know that Tony was truly a great man.

December finally came and so did my first trip out to California. My flights went smooth and I soon became a pro at flying. Tony and I went down to San Diego and had a marvelous time. We went to dinner at a little Italian restaurant and had a great time at the concert. The next day we made a quick trip to the coast so I could see the Pacific Ocean. It really was overwhelming to think that I had enough nerve to fly and meet Tony again and there I was at the beach with him. It was a great personal moment of adulthood. During that trip I also meet Tony's family, but only about half which was about 50 people! They had a big family gathering for the entire family - aunts, uncles and cousins to meet me! It was an amazing feeling to know that all of these people came to meet me and see who Tony's new girl was! I felt so incredibly special. It was really neat to see his family. He is Mexican and his family is a big Mexican family! Tony's speaks Spanish and it was so cool to see him interact with everyone and hear him talk. Again, the word to use was "overwhelming". Soon enough I had to leave. My flight was early in the morning and when I left it was still dark outside. I was sad to leave, but our time together was amazing.

Only a few days after my first trip to California, I was very spontaneous and booked another trip out there over Christmas. My family wasn't getting together until New Year's Eve and the flight I found was only $380 when most other flights during that time frame were $500+! It was crazy, but exciting. I distinctly remember Christmas 2008 being so sick on the couch at home by myself. I had never been so sick before and I was miserable but happy I could just at home. I also remember praying and asking God if I could be somewhere else the next Christmas. I didn't care where, just somewhere else besides sick on my couch! Well, when I recalled that time in my life it hit me that my prayer was answered! I was going to be in California over Christmas. Wow. I flew out there on Wednesday the 23rd and came home Sunday the 27th. It was a great time! I met more of Tony's family, we went to Newport Beach, we went out for sushi and a movie... Everything just felt so natural and normal with him and I loved every minute of my trip. I had really fallen in love with him.

A few days before my trip to see Tony, my mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer. It was scary. She had tests and x-rays done and we learned that it didn't look like the cancer had spread, but she needed her kidney removed. Within two weeks of learning about the cancer her surgery was scheduled for January 3 and they would see then what the cancer looked like. It was a blow to my family. My mom hadn't been sick. She felt fine and healthy and it was a pure miracle that they even found the cancer! She was a real trooper though and let God be in control. If she was scared, she never showed it.

I had an awesome year and I am sure there is much more to come!

Getting My Groove Back

This was cute...

At my office Christmas party, a few of the agents who are real characters got together and made up there own version of the "...for Dummies" book for each person in the office. Each book received a title for their own person dummies book that had something to do with there performance, personality, life event, etc. It was hilarious and went over really well with everyone. Some of the titles of the books were cute and catchy. Some were sort of a roast of the person. It was all in good fun and definitely creative! Well, the title of my book was this... "Getting Your Groove Back for Dummies." I think that this was so, very awesome and fitting for me! 2009 has been a year of getting my life back in order and moving forward with a new outlook and hope for the future. I am really planning on reflecting and writing about the events of 2009 by the end of the year, but I just wanted to share this cute little story of how even those around me have seen a tremendous change in me. I really took it as a compliment and I love it with my whole heart!!

So What Are you Afraid Of?

Over the past few months I have had an amazing journey of self-reflection and introspection that I really would have never thought I would be faced with and definitely not in the manner it has occurred. I have met someone. And he is an amazing someone to say the least. To be honest, I really thought that finding someone who embodied the same morals, values, character attributes and common goals as I felt like finding the ever elusive Bigfoot or even the fabled unicorn. I just thought that was not possible because what I felt, what I cherished and desired for my life was inconsequential and insignificant to those of the opposite sex. Sure, I knew there were quality guys out there - guys who were already spoken for or guys who would only ever be a good friend and never a romantic interest. But... then I met him and continue to be amazed, dumbfounded and moved to my very core by what I see and hear from him. Can this be my elusive unicorn? I don't know.

As we have talked and talked for hours on end, we have come to the conclusion that what we have found in each other just maybe an incredibly unique and deep connection that neither of us ever really expected to find. We may have been a little pessimistic, but for both of us there was a point in time when life just seemed too tough and too unexplained to see very far beyond our present circumstances.

Excitement and anticipation fill my every fiber. Truly. It has been a long time since I have had this kind of reaction to someone. The eagerness to talk to him, the delight that fills me when I see his name pop-up on my phone in the form of a text message and the shear glee of seeing him is overwhelming. So, if I have come across this "ungettable get" of a man what, in fact, am I afraid of? Hmm... What? What? What? I have been able to sort through and toss out a great deal of emotional and mental baggage since my conversations with my manfriend since they began back at the beginning of September, but there is still a sense hesitancy. Bottom line - I am afraid of getting hurt again and loosing all that I had worked so hard for. I am not afraid of a relationship or marriage. Not at all. I want those things in my life because they can be so incredibly rewarding. I am just afraid of experiencing the nearly unbearable pain that I once felt.

I have tried my hardest to live by this motto: "Do not let someone else determine your destiny." Okay, that sounds good and all, but is that really possible? Can I not look back at what happened in my past and not feel scared, even terrified at times, of going through something like that again? Looking back is useless, pointless. I cannot change it or alter it in any way. So why do it? I cannot continue to live my life being afraid of what has already happened. If I do, I will not see my future and can quite possibly miss out on something incredibly special and important. By looking back, I am letting Ben continue to determine my destiny and that makes me very, very angry. The determination I feel raising up in my soul to not let that happen makes me feel strong. It makes me feel tenacious.

Life is too short. A 26-year-old was killed in a car accident last night. Did he ever think he might die at this young age. Probably not. Did have goals and dreams that he wanted to accomplish? I would venture to say yes, he did. But his life is over now. He doesn't get to get up out of bed tomorrow morning and go to work again. He doesn't get to hug his mom again. He doesn't get to love again. But I do. I am still alive and I still have hopes and dreams. Why let the thought of "what if"or "maybe" stop me?

I can get hurt in any relationship no matter who it is with - a best friend, sibling, co-worker. The fact is that I cannot completely insulate myself from being hurt mentally, emotionally and spiritually by another. So why build a wall between myself and someone who wants the best for me and wants to see me happy and wants to possibly love me? Those desire that that person may have for me aren't scary. They are good, positive things that I should embrace and not continually push away just because of the notion of "what if". Chances are that those fears of being hurt to the degree that I was will never come to pass again and if I remain frigid and reluctant then I am going to miss out on a lot of life and be a miserable person in the end. I don't want to be that miserable person. I want to have a fulfilling and meaningful relationship that could quite possibly lead to marriage and a wonderful family life. If I continue to be afraid of the past, then I may never attain that future I so much desire.

Dear Ben

I want to begin this letter to you by saying this simple statement that comes from the very bottom of my heart - I forgive you. I have wanted to tell you this for several months now, but I finally feel that I am able to write those words and truly have the meaning and feeling come from a very deep place in my soul.

This past year and a half has been a whirl-wind, life-changing time for me. This time in my life has led to so many new experiences that I would have never dreamt would be part of my life story. I have learned so much about myself, the world around me and the people who love and support me. The thankfulness that pours out of my spirit is overwhelming at times, but I truly have so much to be grateful for. I have done endless amounts of soul-searching, questioning and reflecting and part of all this exploring has led me to the deepest desire and intense need to forgive you. I have found myself coming full circle and felt I should reach out to you and extend to you my forgiveness whether you have asked for it or not.

I am truly happy and excited about my life and the direction God is taking me. I have been able to move forward and by God’s faithfulness, He has brought so much beauty to my life and part of that beauty is the peace I have in my heart towards you. I just want you to know that I only carry forgiveness for you – no hate, no anger, no bitterness. I am at peace with you and I pray that you have the same peace in your life as well.

I hope you are doing well.

With much forgiveness,

Bethany