Glass Wall

I feel so desperate to be free from the emotions, thoughts and memories from my ex. I know it hasn't even been a year yet. I know that I need time. I know that this isn't going to heal overnight. I know that! But I just wish I could really let myself forgive him and move on. I feel like no matter how much progress I make mentally and emotionally, I am still hitting this glass wall that is my ex even though he is no longer in my life. And I just can't seem to shatter that glass and move past my past. I haven't been able to do that yet and it's very frustrating. I don't want to be tied to those emotions any longer. I want to be free. Free to love again. Free to really have fun and have a life that is beyond him. He and what he has done to me is this glass wall that holds me back and I really want to break through it with all my power, but I still feel held back.

Puzzled

I don't want him so why am I still hung up on him? I don't I want my ex anymore. I am happy. I am free. So why do I still struggle day in and day out with thoughts about him and questions that will never be answered? I know I still love him, but I am not in love with him. I love him, but in a caring way - not in a wifely way. How can I move on and tear myself from him and all of the feelings, thoughts, actions and hope I had for him and with him? I am very puzzled by this... How can I move on when I still feel consumed by him, his once love for me and his actions? How can I separate that time in my life from now?

I don't want him. I want me and my happiness and my dreams and my love.