Say Goodbye

I have been thinking, thinking, thinking... It has been nearly two years since my life was suddenly nothing I recognized. Two years since I grew up and became Bethany. It has been an awesome journey of great heartache, empowerment, faith, courage, healing, independence and new beginnings. I have gone from a point in my life where I could just barely get out of bed every morning and breath in and out to a point where I can truly see my dreams, the dreams I thought would never come true, now materializing in a way that I could have never fathomed.

Two years ago my life was ash - ugly, dark, dirty, lifeless. Today I feel my life is so beautiful and filled with great people, memories, words and actions. Now, I wake every morning with pure amazement and thanksgiving in my heart for what God has brought me through and has blessed me with now. I knew that if I just believed and held onto His promise that He would bring something great out of the darkness, He would do it. God is truly amazing and there is no way I can ever take credit for where I am today. He held me close in my darkest times and never let me go.

I have decided to close this blog. I had a blog (All I Have, All I Am) going while I was going through such torment after Ben left. Then I started this blog after the divorce was final to help heal and encourage others that even though life may seem to be left empty, there can be new beginnings, growth and dreams made. Life can be rebuilt and something beautiful brought forth. My healing doesn't end here though. I think it will take the rest of my life to heal from what Ben did to me, my family and friends. But I am in a most beautiful place in my life where I am taking another step forward by getting married to a man who is so amazingly great. He speaks to my soul and he just fits. There isn't a forceful aspect to our relationship. It's natural, normal, easy. I can be myself with him and not worry about things I worried about with Ben.

I am so happy and genuinely grateful for all I have been through and all I have. And now, I say goodbye to this blog that helped sort out so many confused thoughts and feelings and help me step forward and move beyond...

Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

PS I have a new blog... "Icing on the Cake." I won't leave you hanging! :)

Busy Little Bee!

Life is good! Life is busy!

So, it has been a little over a month now since Tony and I got engaged and we have definitely got the ball rolling in the wedding planning department! We opened up a savings account to start socking away money for our big day. We are going to be responsible for the wedding expenses so we both are trying to do our best with saving as much as we can. I was able to get a part-time job at Payless Shoes working about 12 hours a week. It isn't much, but it will be extra money that we didn't have before to dedicate to the wedding. I didn't think working a second job would be that difficult, but it really is! I work Tuesdays and Thursdays and then a few hours on the weekend and I have just been exhausted trying to adjust to this new schedule. I am really happy to have it though and to see our savings account grow a little more week by week.

Working the additional hours have been an adjustment, but these past two weeks have been even more hectic than normal. My mom's 50th birthday is this coming Sunday the 18th and we are planning a big family reunion type party for her. My aunt Bobbie and my sisters have been organizing the invites, the food, the music, the decorations, the present, etc. and I don't think I like party planning. It's too stressful for me and here I am trying to plan a wedding in California!! eek! So, Bobbie is coming into town from Texas today and Tony is coming in from California tomorrow (I am SO excited to see him!!) Plus in the midst of working, party planning and preparing for Tony's visit, I had my 28th birthday on Tuesday the 13th. It wasn't special though. Everyone is preoccupied with my mom's party and I had to work at both of my jobs on Tuesday. Oh well... maybe next year I can get a birthday cake.

Back to the wedding planning... I have been doing a lot of research into different venues and vendors. The wedding will probably be in the Palm Springs area in early March 2011. I have bought my big wedding planner and TheKnot.com has been my daily intake of wedding ideas, budgets, do-it-yourself projects and more. Kylie and I are taking a trip out to California May 21-24 to look at ceremony/reception sites and to talk with a few photographers. I am really excited about this trip and I am happy that Kylie is coming along. It will be nice to have a traveling buddy and another set of eyes to help take in everything. Tony has been really good about the wedding talk too. He wants to be involved and help make the decisions. He doesn't know much about how to plan a wedding, but he wants to help and I appreciate that.

Phew... just reading through all of that makes me tired! I am really, really looking forward to this weekend and having Tony here. We aren't doing anything special. Just being together and with my family. I can't wait to go to the airport tomorrow night!! He loves my little dog, Enzo, and so I am going to surprise him and have Enzo waiting in the car when I pick him up. Tony will be surprised!! :)

I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, but I am really so happy and I am just blown away with life itself...