Head Trash

Growing up, I am proud to say that I always felt like I had great self-confidence. Nothing over the top or in your face confidence, but I was happy with who I was and never really thought about what others thought of me. It seemed that I was always well liked and easy to get along with. I wasn't one of the popular girls in high school, but that was OK. I knew I was smart, well dressed, well behaved and fairly pretty. I accepted myself and I was happy.

Well, recently I have come to discover that for the first time in my life I question my personality and who I am and what I like. I question if I truly am a likable person or if my personality is just annoying to those who meet me and take the chance to get to know me. Sure, the outside looks pretty and well packaged, but once you get to know the person inside is it as they expected? Or are they completely turned off by what they discover underneath?

My ex rejected me and left but why? Thanks to him I now feel unlikeable and hideous - like my personality and my likes and dislikes are so detestable that I wonder how anyone could possibly want to get to know me and want to date me.

I am a simple, low-key person. Not much mess, not much fuss. I truly enjoy staying at home cleaning, cooking, reading, walking my dog, watching a movie. I really am enjoying the single life. I like doing what I want to do without worrying about anyone else. I actually love it and even though I do want to get married again (some day), I am truly embracing the solitude and stress-free life that is mine now. It's OK to me that I want to stay at home on a Saturday night and bake cookies, bathe my dog and do laundry. That is what I like. That is what I want to do. Why can't people accept that about me? Why do I have to want to go out and drink and be in a smoke filled bar yelling at the person next to me to have a conversation?

What is wrong with me? Why did he leave me? What about me did he find so intolerable that his only solution was to cheat on me, leave and never give me or our marriage a second thought?

Like I said... head trash...