Another Mile Stone

Over the past 17 months, there have been many mile stones I have marked mentally as my life moves forward from April 2008. Today is one of those days. Besides it being my papa's 57th birthday, a year ago today I went to the post office in Westfield and picked up the divorce papers. I remember it was a beautifully sunny day. Mike drove to the post office with the secured mail notification sitting in my purse and me feeling kind of dazed and confused. When the envelope was in hand, I actually had Mike open it for me as I breathed deeply from the passenger seat of his Mercedes. The paperwork was confusing and filled with legal jargon. I was actually impressed in a way that Ben filled out the papers and found the courthouse in downtown and filed. Honestly, I thought he wouldn't be able to figure it out. And he did to an extent. It was kind of comical because the items he requested to be turned over to him were things like his xbox and a few figurines from Africa. Worthless junk that was now what defined his life. Is that mean? Maybe, but that's what he walked away with minus the $1300 settlement for his car. What else was comical was the fact that he didn't even get our wedding date right. That was like pouring salt into the wound, but I guess I shouldn't have expected much more from him. I remember that I didn't cry. The reality had already set in and I knew the process had started and there was nothing I could do.

I truly can't believe it has been a year. These one year later moments are somewhat surreal. Time really has flown by and I try to comprehend where I was and where I am today. As I continue to reevaluate my life and the new path I am on. I am slowly realizing this simple, yet potent fact - Ben held me back in my life. He could have swore up and down that I was the one hindering him and his big plans for his life, but I think it is quite the opposite. I find this puzzling and astonishing. I wish I could really illustrate my new outlook on my life without him. It's different. I'm different.