For some reason when a thought or word hits my mind I like to look it up on Dictionary.com and see the definition and see how clearly defined the word is. For example, the word "favor" has hit me square in the face tonight and here is a short definition of the word:
1. something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration; a kind act: to ask a favor.
2. excessive kindness or unfair partiality; preferential treatment: to treat some people with favor and others with neglect.
Why has this word struck me tonight? Why this word that has such positive meaning and expression? When someone does a favor for you, it usually means that they have done something to benefit the you; an act of kindness is shown from one person to another. As my life moves forward, constantly evolving and changing, I can't help but to think of the great favor Ben actually bestowed upon me by way of all but crushing my spirit and squeezing nearly all of the precious life out of me.
At the time, all hope was completely and devastatingly lost. There was nothing. I was a wasteland - dried, desolate, dark. Now with the anniversary of my divorce fastly approaching, I can't help but to be so thankful for those events that brought me from a place of insignificance and entrapment to this beautiful life that I now lead. Ben did me a favor. His thoughtless and careless actions freed me from that suffocating state of a life of mediocrity, stress and worry of being his wife. I wasn't Bethany. Ben did me a favor. His inhumane and horrific depart from my life has left me to be free - free to be me.
Ben did me a favor. I am now grateful that I don't have to deal with him or his actions. I no longer have to bare the consequences for his actions or lack there of. I can breath again. I am free because Ben did me a favor by leaving me. I get to do what I want, when I want, where I want. I get a second chance at living my life and being more self-aware. I get to be my own person and not tip-toeing around him or his selfish desires. I can be my own person - free of him... Isn't that strange?
2 comments:
I did somehow miss this one! Not sure how it slipped past me. A great post- I love that you are able to see something like Ben's actions now as a favor. Amazing how God reveals the truth and puts light on situations when it's the right time! :) Love you!
Your strength and character amaze me more and more each day, Bethany. You truly have grown so much over the past year or so. There is no doubt that you deserve every blessing God bestows upon you! <3
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