Ahh...

Ahh... hell is finally over. I know my now-ex signed the papers today and all that is left to do is to go before the judge and have it officially stamped into the history books. I am divorced. That is weired. Weired to to see,weird to think, weired to be. Six months ago today he dropped the atomic bomb of his unfaithfulness to an innocent and unsuspecting wife and ever since there has been fallout of epic porportion. How I survived it is beyond all comprehension. As I live and breathe, I thought for sure I would be a mental, emotional and spiritual causality of this historical event that took place. I had always thought that I would, in all aspects of the word, die from devastation if I were ever faced with such an event as an unfaithful spouse. I loved him. I was faithful to him. I honored and respected him. I provided for him. I did the best I knew how to for him. Not being careless with my feelings,but I sigh with a simple thought: "Oh well." I know that with every breath I breathe and every thought I have, I know beyond the great beyond that I did my absolute best to him and for him. What did he do with it? Threw it all away for a moment of passion. I can live with myself. I can move on. I can live a life free from thoughts of guilt and shame. I am free. He is not.



It is not easy. It is a great fight for me to just lift my head off of the pillow in the morning. But I do and I am proud of that very fact. I am a survivor - not survivor of cancer or a disease that doesn't have a cure - I am a survivor of a broken heart. There is a cure for that and that cure is time. Day in and day out. Time is the only cure for this brokenness that is so overwhelming at times I can't even smile and it is tough pill to swallow. There is not instant relief from this pain - although there are brief glimpses of the happiness that once was and will be again.



But when I am able to see beyond is temporary sadness, I see with clear eyes - free from the tears that have so often stained my cheeks - that I am blessed. Blessed with a wonderful family that loves me to the core of my being - beyond all of my faults and imperfections. I sit here watching them from a short distance as we begin dinner time around a table full of wonderful food and a warm fire. The air smells of chocolate chip cookies and a fire flickers and glows in the corner. What more could anyone in this world ask for? I am blessed and I have the love of a Father from above, the support from a great family and friends who call to check in on me and to lend an ear to my words of confusion. I have a great little apartment in a quaint little town, an adorable dog who greets me at the door with love affection, a great job with a boss who has morals and values that are rare to find and a car that is just as cute as me. I am blessed and I realize now more than ever that I have everything I need and so much more.